An unrepentant trip into insanity, 1st degree parody... Frankenstein meets Rocky Horror meets Inuyasha, and you and me right in the middle... so pass the popcorn!! New Extended Director's Cut!!
Government Health Warning: The corny accent found within, may be hazardous to your mental health!!
TITLE: Lady Flame's Monster
AUTHOR: Lady Flame
SERIES: Fanfiction - Inuyasha - Parody
DISCLAIMER: all characters (except Lady Flame & Electra) are the original creations of Rumiko Takahashi.
PAIRING: Various implied...
WARNINGS: pretty much a tongue-in-cheek piss take!!
PUBLISHED: 31 August 2001 (revised 8 December 2004)
ARCHIVED: SkyeHawke & redhotwords
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Written for an Inuyasha list I was a member of eons ago, and was written as a laugh. Hmm, for some reason I decided to write it as a movie script, (not something I usually do). *shrugs*
FILMED IN GLORIOUS TECHNICOLOUR!! (But on the budget of an old black & white B movie)
*Camera pans in on a scary castle on top of a hill, lightning flashing all around, we zoom in on a room at the top of the highest tower, where a lab is situated... The camera does a close up of a short, stocky, eccentric looking scientist, with oval tinted glasses, and short spiky black hair, with scarlet streaks*
LADY FLAME: "BWA HA HA HA HA... I, Lady Cara von Flame, 'ave discovered ze secret of life after death!!"
*strikes THE pose, one hand on hip, the other in the air, finger pointed, a la John Travolta, and we hear music 'Ah, Ah, Ah, staying alive, staying alive...' and she does THE dance, with a little spin at the end, then returns to THE pose*
LADY FLAME: "I vil' prove my life's vork, by awakening zis creature I 'ave created from pieces of dead youkai!!"
*camera pans round to the other side of the lab, where we see a body covered by a sheet*
LADY FLAME: "Electra... 'ave you finished calling forth a storm, for my experiment to vork?!"
ELECTRA: "Yes, Mistress."
*a very short petite young woman, with long neon pink hair, and glowing blue/white eyes with no pupils, comes through a door that leads out to the roof, and climbs down a wrought iron spiral staircase, sparks flying from her hands as she touches the railings, from her facial markings she appears to be part demon, part kami*
ELECTRA: "I still don't understand why I don't just zap him?!"
LADY FLAME: "Zat is why I is ze scientist, an' you is ze assistant... Ve need all this expensive equipment, to regulate ze flow of electricity, an' so ve do not get crispy fried demon!!"
ELECTRA: "Yosh', let's get started..."
*pulls the big lever, (there's always a big lever LOL), the machine hums into action, lights flash, etc, then there is a huge flash of blinding white light, and the machine blows up, sparks and smoke everywhere. Mass coughing noises from within huge cloud of smoke, and our scientist gets out a memo recorder from the pocket of her lab coat and presses record*
LADY FLAME: "Note to self, never to buy machine parts from Nabiki Enterprises again!!"
ELECTRA: "Did it work?"
*both women turn to stare avidly at the shrouded body through the clearing smoke, the camera follows their gaze, and zooms in on the body on the table... An arm falls out from beneath the sheet, and a finger twitches, suddenly the body jerks upright, a hand pulls the sheet away from it's face, it is beautiful yet cold, surrounded by long black hair (guess whose head she used LOL)*
NARAKU: "Who are you? Where is this? The last thing I remember was..."
LADY FLAME: "Zis is my lab and I 'ave brought you back to life!!"
*strikes THE pose again*
*evil smirk (audience of fan girls goes wild, cause that guy is so bish)*
NARAKU: "Why thank you my dear, now I shall have my revenge on that worthless cur, and his annoying friends."
*waves his hand and sends a stream of miasma out towards Lady Flame, which is then evaporated by a bolt of lightning… the camera quick pans around to Electra, she is powered up and hovering off the ground, her hair flying round her as lightning crackles around her body*
ELECTRA: "How DARE you attack my mistress!! Its pancakes and plum sauce for you now..."
*draws hand back to unleash a lightning bolt*
ELECTRA: "I AM THE STORM GODDESS FROM HELL, AND WE'RE FRYING TONITE!!"
NARAKU: "I've never destroyed a goddess before, this should be interesting..."
LADY FLAME: "VAIT... VAIT!! Do not destroy my experiment!!"
*jumps between Electra and Naraku who are preparing to kill each other, realises what she's just done, and ducks FAST!! Just in time, as
a stream of miasma and a lightning bolt meet where her head had been seconds earlier. Our good doctor gets a flare gun out of her pocket; shoots it at the ceiling causing a small explosion*
LADY FLAME: "ENOUGH!!"
*panting she gets up off floor, and goes over and pushes a button on what appears to be an intercom*
LADY FLAME: "Come in, ze Doctor will see you now…"
*turns back to camera, which zooms in for a dramatic close up, goes too far, and we get a good view of the doctors left nostril, cameraman quickly corrects*
LADY FLAME: "Did you think zat I is stupid!! Zat I do not have back up plan... you is not ze first success I have at bring soul back from dead!! Though you are ze first who is truly alive..."
*a knock sounds at the door, the latch turns, and the door opens with a long squeak, a woman dressed in miko's clothing steps out of the shadows*
KIKYOU: "Greetings Naraku, it would seem that we have both been brought back from the dead. Once again I am a creature made of clay, though this one made a better job of it..."
*Lady Flame nods her head with satisfaction*
LADY FLAME: "I not try to steal soul of other, just take zat which was already separate from whole, also solve problem of needing souls of others to function. Besides, I hear she have power over you, I investigate, and see zat your souls are linked..."
*Naraku and Kikyou both give Lady Flame disgusted looks*
LADY FLAME: "You might not like, but it is ze truth... His soul is ze key to your being able to function without stealing ze souls of others, and her soul, *shrugs* maybe it key to finding your humanity..."
*we hear shouts from outside, and the camera pans down to look out the window, we see a group of people coming up the path to the castle carrying torches. Loud knocking is heard from the main gate, then a crash as the gates are smashed in*
LADY FLAME: "Electra, go see vot goes on..."
*Electra flies out of room, and down the stairs, coming face-to-face with Inuyasha, Kagome, Miroku, Sango (with Kiara), and Shippou, who are now in the entrance hall*
ELECTRA: "Why do you invade my Mistress's domain?"
INUYASHA: "Cut the crap, where's Naraku? We heard your kooky Mistress was gonna resurrect him from the dead!!"
ELECTRA: "Oh, him... he's upstairs in the tower... I wanted to have him with pancakes and plum sauce *pouts* but my Mistress wouldn't let me!!"
*Electra stamps her foot in a fit of pique, which makes lots of interesting things jiggle inside her outfit, (which is basically a skimpy and very revealing little dress made of copper chain mail), Miroku is staring and licking his lips*
MIROKU: "Hmm... kinky!!"
*Sango goes bright red and slaps Miroku hard*
SANGO: "What exactly were YOU going to do with the pancakes and plum sauce?!
*this question was meant for Miroku, but Electra answers looking slightly confused*
ELECTRA: "Why, I was going to eat him, of course. Crispy fried demon is one of my favourites."
*Inuyasha, Shippou, and Kirara, start edging away looking very uncomfortable, Kagome has a huge sweat drop*
KAGOME: "Somehow, I think what you were thinking, and what he was thinking, were entirely different!!"
ELECTRA: "Whatever... *shrugs* you gonna come up or not?"
*Everyone follows Electra upstairs to the tower. Inuyasha bursts in and starts to attack Naraku, he's closely followed by Miroku and Sango, but everyone is surprised when Kikyou steps in between them. Miroku stumbles in shock, and ends up piling into Inuyasha, causing them both to crash into Kikyou; Inuyasha ends up on top of Kikyou between her thighs, with Miroku sprawled across his back groin to ass.
Kagome and Sango get pissed!!*
*Inuyasha is now squished into Kikyou by the mojo on his necklace*
KIKYOU: "Get off me you… you DOG!!"
*Sesshomaru & Co gatecrash the party through the roof entrance on his two headed dragon, whilst Kagura makes an entrance from the stairway down, slamming the door open and being closely followed by Kouga and his two hangers on. Kagome and Sango go to help Inuyasha and Miroku, who are getting bitch slapped by Kikyou, but Naraku grabs Kagome as she goes past, and when he jumps off the table his sheet
goes AWOL, (mass nosebleeds, drooling and fainting in the audience). Inuyasha, Kouga, and strangely enough Sesshomaru, all start to growl and try to pounce on Naraku at the same time*
INUYASHA, SESSHOMARU & KOUGA: "DIE, YOU BASTARD!!"
*All hell breaks loose, with things degenerating into a huge cartoon style heaving cloud of dust, with various arms and legs briefly making an appearance before being submerged again. Lady Flame and Electra are standing to one side open mouthed in shock*
LADY FLAME: "An' zey call me crazy!!"
ELECTRA: "I think we should cut and run, whilst they're all too busy to notice."
LADY FLAME: "Why?"
ELECTRA: "Well, I just remembered where I'd heard the name Inuyasha before; he was the guy who killed my cousins Hitten and Manten."
LADY FLAME: "Don't you vant revenge?"
ELECTRA: "Nah, they were a couple of jerks, who didn't approve of my mother cause she was a storm kami, but I think it might be a good idea to split, before these guys realise that this situation is all our fault."
LADY FLAME: "Vell I 'ave proved my theory, and I do tend to get bored once I 'ave done zat, ve vill go to pastures new."
*Lady Flame pulls on a torch holder on the wall, and a bookcase swings out to reveal a secret passage. Shippou, Rin and Jaken, separate themselves from the scuffle, and start to watch from the sidelines.*
SHIPPOU: "Hey this is some show you've put on, though I'm not sure whether it's a brawl or an orgy?! *big grin* We should sell tickets!! Got any popcorn?"
*Lady Flame and Electra are sneaking off down the secret passage*
RIN: "Ja, neechan." *waves*
JAKEN: "Hey wait, my master wants a word with you."
ELECTRA: "Sorry can't stop… *waves back* When ya gotta go, ya gotta go!!"
*The scene changes to outside, where Lady Flame and Electra are sitting on a storm cloud.*
LADY FLAME: "Vere shall ve go?"
ELECTRA: "I've heard the springs at Jusenkyou are nice this time of year."
LADY FLAME: "Zat sounds good, I 'ave heard zat zey are cursed, I've always vanted to investigate, an' maybe do some experiments... Let's go!!"
*Lady Flame takes a device out of her pocket, points it at a spot just in front of the cloud and presses a button, a swirling portal appears, they fly into it and out into a changed landscape. Small springs can be seen scattered through the mist covered valley below, snow-capped mountains surround them on all sides, the pair land their cloud in a grassy clearing*
ELECTRA: "I'm hungry!!"
*out of the mist comes a huge dinosaur, Electra pulls a bamboo steamer of pancakes and a huge bottle of plum sauce out of hammer space; Lady Flame looks at the device in her hand, holds it up to her ear and gives it a shake*
ELECTRA: "Dinner is served!!"
LADY FLAME: "Hmm, I think zat I misjudged the time slip..."
*fade to black, roll credits*
NARRATOR/VOICE OF GOD: "We shall finish our story here... the story of the real origins of the cursed springs of Jusenkyou will be told another day, but you can bet that our eccentric occult scientist had her hand in their creation; and as for the extinction of the dinosaurs, well Electra has an appetite equal to any Saijin!!"